Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
You know, be my cock's hype man.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
