You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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