Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
