Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
