What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
