Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
