Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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