I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
