I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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