I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
