So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Michael Bay diarrhea
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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