Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
