he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
