Your mouth is God's brothel.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
