I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
