I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
