guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
