We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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