the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
