He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
