I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
