I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize