He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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