Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
