i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i just sent this text using only my big toe
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
