Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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