yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
