"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize