You're completely useless in the revolution.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
