If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
