so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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