omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I love you. Go after that dick
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
