he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
