Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Say something about gay babies.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
