Can i not drive my cunt home
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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