a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
