Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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