she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
