hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
