i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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