I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
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