ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Don't EVER smell your tampon
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
