I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Liz is crying about burritos again.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
