you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
im holly from the hills drunk
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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