The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
