He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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