the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
