Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
