hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
