sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize