so that wasnt chicken after all
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
