I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I wannas sexs uuuuu
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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