why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
