It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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