Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
