If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
