I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
