I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
