We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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