This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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