i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
its not stalking. its research.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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