Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i jhust puked up my retainher.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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