You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
