here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Randomize
