I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
