Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
not ubering you a puppy
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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